All works here are adaptations from journal writings mostly 2016-present.
Good luck
It’s not in the vernacular
Or part of my mission statement
So why do I offer it as an aside
As if you need it
There are better words
Ones that tack on more meaning
And depth
We don’t operate on it
We don’t base our hopes on it
Luck is not what brought you here
Good or Bad
In the absence of thought
I’d take those words back
And say:
May the same Spirit that guided you here
Instruct and keep you in its knowing
That you may with confidence
Step in the fullness of peace, joy and love
And that you would know guidance
That has always been with you
Not good luck
But favor and grace
Beyond a full cup
Surpassing comprehension
This Moment
Today is yesterday’s dream
It’s not perfect now
But now is everything
If you can see beyond the curtains
And the veils that are all but certain
Happiness becomes a place
Unseen
But you believe in it anyways
I know you feel like you are not
Sitting in the front row provided
You’re walking between the exit
Down the aisle from the pit
And you’re not quite sure
If this is what you expected
Hope is found
When you look all around
And you’re not afraid
To let it all go:
What it all was supposed to be
What it all should be
Relax and allow what is
In its completeness
Be a memory that is forever yours
As it runs its due course
Love is the light
That freezes your shadow
Beyond the grip of the here and now
Another Place To Rest
Sometimes you have got to know when
As the plethora of public opinion still chimes in
But you’ve got to know when
The days are long but you rig them so
Can’t face the world you’ve created
So you live and let live
Even though you know something’s missing
Even though you know
You’re not fooling anyone
Cut your losses, but you’d live with exhaustion
Bury the dead,
But who’s really counting the days
You can pretend no one is judging
But it’s yourself that needs more convincing
You can make your bed
You can tear off all the covers and decide
No, it’s not for you
And it never was
Possessed
You don’t know what you’re asking for
Straight into context of a war
I don’t know where the lines are drawn
But you play along as if they are gone
Do you want me to push you back?
What would that do for you?
I’m holding out for some context
Not some error of reflex
But in this struggle for control
You give yourself away
In this moment of debate
You find yourself trying to exploit
The wrong cards you’ve played
Retreat, a staged retreat is my only option
To risk anything more
Is just giving you more proof to believe in
This world’s a troubled place
And I can’t oblige when you want
Another reason to fight
One Shot
Far from the arenas and the spectacle
Victories are won
Where the witnesses are few
Victories are forged
It’s not every day you stand up
And confront your demons
It’s not every day you accept
That your teacher has arrived
In the minute trials
In the fits and distractions
You were bound and defeated
Until someone took you by the hand
And said, “Aim higher”
Out of your entropy
And into your destiny
One shot was made
And the rest they say is,
History
When the Music Left Nashville
Never got to the punchline
Waiting for my ride
Another night of peace shuffling
Plainly out of sight
Could I think without tripping?
Could I blink before you were gone?
When the music left Nashville
And everything was lost
Was I just a tool that couldn’t remember?
Was I a thought just lead astray?
Moments I could wish them back
When I held onto a single track
I don’t remember why I let you go
Somethings are left to know
Wiser ways of living
A hope that there is more
Miles of forgiveness, years upon retort
Rubles Love Rubble
Pried out of a distance procured
Why do you devour a land not yours?
To consume it,
Break it apart, spit it out
Half digested
For this be told to your brothers and sisters
This is the way you want them to feel loved
“I want you,
I need you,
You were always mine.”
Those land mines, hmmm…
They cannot leave your arms fast enough
Before they break their lives, their homes
The things you want to call your own
No one looks back and remembers you fondly
No one leaves believing
That you’ll leave the place
Better than you found it
And the lies we tell on all sides
That this is love
There is a better definition
And it’s not because we are hurting
Watching you hurting
No, this has only just begun
Burning Pages
All I can do is to distance myself
The longer I wait
I'm closing the gate
Everything splits
And has a way of claiming more casualties
No more to be heard
I have to run
Torture is the moment the air becomes deaf
Deaf to the pleading
Your interceding
Building a fire so soon
But what there is left to see
Come quickly
I don't want to jinx myself
Pouring what I know away
Silently the edges surround what they cover
They move and take over ground
Free me from the guilt of second guessing
Free me from the moment
Where every word is passing
The silent burns its course
And it suffers
The more you feed it empty words
A Perfect Blessing
Elastic is the memory
In the error of control
Whatever you mind as is fleeting
But a better door finds you today
You didn't have to run
Or fumble the keys
You didn't have to knock again
Because all of that was paid for
It's what is behind all that
Is what sought you out
Begging you to listen
But listening is broadened in silence
And you were made to hear His voice
The way He speaks to you
He knows you when you are weak
He knows you when you've lost everything
You thought would make you happy
For what He gives you
No counterfeit comes close
In a soft voice is hope
In a contrite spirit
Is His life to mold
A perfect blessing
Free at Last
If it is years that were my chains
Pride foolish, why?
I live with their intention
Calm, with all due respect
It’s all over, I am free
No longer waiting for a bailout
No longer all the blame I do without
This time I listened
This time I followed through
And now I am free
Free at last
I Found You
It will catch up to you
Or you can take it easy
Not sure where to run
If you are following me, keep following
All these plans are waged
Discerning the truth
Agitated, separated
I caught myself presuming to be innocent of choice
Expecting the most default of answers
Rallied in my head
I could just trust that you’d play this all out
For my good
That you’d teach me better
Than this old ego could
All of the second guesses
All my defenses
Blew me away, standing still
Until exhausted
I found you
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The Girl in The Photos
In a fog
Dancing with precision
All the effort that binds
There is a careful lingering
That is tomorrow's patience
Can it all be for good,
This standing by?
This mind courses on edge
A long time, a short space
Something is a symptom
Upon the thought relied upon
I have spoken this world into existence
I have stayed ready
For the dawn to reach the pixels
Forming her eyes
There are dreams
Photos I have taken
There is a current, developing
Pulling this stream
And The sands
So close, in my hands
Thank You!
Welcome, Thank You!
On the edge of the unknown
Waging what you dream
Against what you are willing to leave behind
So much scatters in an empty space
When you judge your worth by the vacuum
Suddenly you decide to seen
To be noticed to be heard
You want to face the crowd
And for the first time you realize
That as you lead with your heart
This really is not the first step
Or even a first leap
When even then there are no expectations
You greet the crowd however humble and say:
Thank you, Welcome!
To Teach You
A thought became so grand
It took on years
It built itself a monument
To be passed on
To be read about:
I thought I was supposed to reach everyone
But then came the wait
Then came the cost
And the weight of everything I had to say
Suddenly the thought had a price tag
Suddenly I realized that maybe
The only one I was born to teach was you
Listening
As I hold onto what I don’t know
it sees me, the breeze
But cannot crystallize into full meaning
It evaporates before I can take it all in
To be held by it once
And feel it’s assurance, it’s direction
Beautifully made
We stand completely accumulated in light
We know as love
Everything inane is more complicated
It keeps track of the score
And what you feel is not what you see
As we become what we are listening for
I’m Not There Yet
How much longer can it be?
Look in the mirror
There’s more than me in front of me
So I will not turn the next page, today
If all that is to become
Is blinding knowing this much:
My heart will weigh every scenario
But my bags are not packed
Because as soon as I admit that I am ready
My life will have changed forever
So soon, too soon.
I have waffled between doubt and faith
When I am ok
I am just believing that it will all go away
But if I pack my bags, there’s no going back
And there’s just me, right?
But packing, no
I’m not there yet
Seize Day One
I have to let go
there have become too many demands
bent on crippling me
why don’t you hurry up
if it means so much to you
then just “try harder”
there’s only one fight you can win
when the rest of you is imploding in
while everything assumes a struggle
between a projection
and the gravity you assume as yourself
maybe all the lefts should have been rights
maybe you cannot fix it all tonight
the longer you are shamed by the stasis
the more you beat yourself up
but there is power in taking one step
it won’t get you to your final destination
but for today it can give you some peace
sometimes
it’s the only thing today was made for
but it can become the start
of joy, of confidence
it can lead you to peace with yourself
where the destination
is not a devastating thing you stare at
and dig yourself a hole
just one step can be the start of a journey
where momentum is born out of
the simplicity of seizing one more day.
this photo was taken in the spring of 2018
Weary
There is a fragile systemic chord
That keeps ringing
It tells us when it's time
And it tells us when we have
Run out of it
I wish there was something
I could offer that was more than that
When everything is broken
And hanging on is just what we do
What leaves us,
Hanging on some other share or promise?
I cannot fix this
We don't live where something else exists
Walls we speak to
Mountains we ask to move
They will crumble
It's something our faith allows us to have
That beyond the alarm
There's a job to do
Beyond the struggle
Was the path that split in two
Before this day we imagined
We set our course straight
It lands us at a crossroads
Where we can see ourselves more clearly
To put our faith beyond the journey weary
Aghast
There is a freedom
That has gripped me to challenge
The breadth and the heights
Of consequences
How come the guidance cloaks
Under, behind the urgency
Wages cross-over to delight
Whenever the "how" became the process
Weaved, forgotten
To see at once, to see it through
All that is transported
Beyond the character flaws
Re-occuring flashbacks
Where we were dissolved
In a fixture of trust
Figments applied to a suffering
Knowledge made me sure
There is no distance
In the revelry aghast beside me
The Gift
This is the gift that I give to you:
All of the patience
All of the guile
Consumed in Your presence
If you could bless
The possession of Your truth in me
So that all of my attention
And all of Your assurance
Would become undivided in you
Come, worthy is the life
Grace knows as its son
The joy that is always the choice
To believe