Being Able to Feel Good About Feeling Good

I believe that probably the worst effect of mental illness is that it can steal your joy.  It can cause you to lose hope and it can make you believe that every time you start feeling good about life and yourself that something dreadful something awful has to happen next.

Anxious thoughts form a paralysis that can prevent you from living now, and can keep you from dreaming of a better future.  And unfortunately mood cycles and the agitation they bring can further cripple you into believing there is no way out.

When you experience mania, you can be scarred to believe that this is the only way you can ever feel good.  There were times where I thought that the only way to achieve my goals was to experience the world through the highs of mania.  I thought it was the only way  people could know me, and would accept me. But mania always crashes into confusion riddled in fear  And more often than not it ends up with you in a hospital, jail, or some other desperate situation.  But for years the seduction of a manic experience always trumped the fallout reality.

Thankfully the cycles of bi-polar can diminish in their intensity and amplitude become less severe.  For years after being diagnosed, I literally feared feeling good.  I always felt that if I got too confident, if life really got good, I would crash, that all that I was building would fall apart.  I never thought that happiness or contentment was natural or could be real.   I was trapped in a life outlook of low expectations and a true fear that nothing good could be sustainable in my life.

Thankfully as I write this blog, that is not my reality today.  I don't have to wait to enjoy life.  I don't have to look over my shoulder every time something good happens in my life.  I don't write this blog, write a book, attend local DBSA meetings, or participate in Mental Health Studies out of a fear that someone will find me out.  I do all of those things because I have experienced significant healing in my life, and I believe that my walk/my experience has merit and many will experience the same because I have chosen to speak.

I know what has worked for me, it may not work for you or someone you know, but at least it starts up a conversation that may open doors.  It is truly amazing what life looks on this side of a mental illness diagnosis.  Life is bright, full of expectation and promise.  Walk with me in this journey and you can experience the same!